In June last year our whole world changed. Our son was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. It hasn't even been a year yet and our heads are still spinning from it all. Just yesterday, the hubbs and the boy had to leave a major church youth event because his blood sugar was over 500 and we couldn't get it down. Then he bottomed out once home. Then at 4 am this morning he was low again.

Poor Cole, he had to get up twice with him, because I was worn out from working and then being at this youth event and my pregnant body is not getting the rest it needs these days. I am so tired and sick all the time. It's very tough this time around. So, since June it seems as everything has changed. Left job, left church, left school.

I've felt alone. I have felt defeated. I have felt like a failure. I have felt like a loser. I have felt like the world's worst mom and wife. I have felt I was far from God. I have felt unsupported. I have felt uncared for. I have felt exhausted. I have felt broken-hearted. I have felt stress. I have felt sadness. I have felt like it was too hard to go on. I have wished I could turn back time. I have felt angry. I have wondered if this was a cruel joke or if I was being taught a lesson.


I have a hero. His name is Jesus.


dave said...

you girl friend are a hero!

Laura (speaking for everyone!) said...

I can defintely relate to your stressful year- full of situation after situation and feeling completely lost and totally alone. It is so hard as a mommy not being the healer of all things and it is even worse watching your child deal with something like you are dealing with right now.

BUT- you are awesome! Cole is Awesome! And Matthew is Awesome- and can handle all of this. Someone told me right before Tatum was born that these times are when "we show our faith"- sometimes God gives us many oppurtunities to demonstrate!

We are praying for you and your family!

Janetta Blevins said...

You are so right that our hero is Jesus! I can so relate to your feelings for I too have had so many issues that have produced a lot of emotions and wrong thinking, and by that I mean anything that doesn't agree with what God says about us is a wrong thought....however thinks to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ we have the same Spirit within us that raised Jesus from the dead...the same Spirit that defeated death, hell and the grave resides in us and we are VICTORIOUS through Christ! Praise The Lord!

On another note...I have heard that the types of things your are experiencing in this pregnancy...since they are different than your first prenancy and you had a boy...I have heard that this could mean you are having a girl...so just maybe God is anwering your prayer and you will get a girl this time.

We are praying for you and love you!

Shirley said...

Congrats on your pregnancy! I had a rough day a couple of weeks ago - a lot of the same failure feelings and feelings of unworthiness. Just keep clinging to Jesus and His mercies are new every morning.

Stonefox (otherwise known as Heidi) said...

I've felt every one of those feelings too. I TOTALLY relate. Our lives have changed drastically in the past year too...plus I'm pregnant too so I know how that is. When are you due? I'm 23 weeks.

Keep your eyes on your hero. He won't let us down!

Anonymous said...

But this precious treasure-this light and power that now shine within us-is held in perishable containers, that is, in our weak bodies. So everyone can see that our glorious power is from God and is not our own. 2 Corinthians 4:7, NLT

Saw this verse last week, and when I read your blog, I immediately thought of you. Hang in there! God is just showing us Taylors we are strong...but he is stronger. It has been a tough year for all of us. Becky's job situation, my health, Laura, Paw Paw, and yet we all have survived and can give glory to Him for seeing us through. Our perishable containers don't fair well, but our spirits do!