Pushing Past Perfect

 I have always been a perfectionist. I am the kind of person that thinks I should already be great at something the very first time I try it. I mean, how is that even possible? The stress I have put on my own self over the years far outweighs any that has been placed upon me by anyone else. I have lived a life in the small town spotlight, always involved in everything. Always that girl that "had it together". And for the most part I did have it together all those years. Then something happened. I believe it is called life. After several years of marriage and two kids I woke up and realized that I did not have it all together anymore. What happened?! So, I spent many months grieving the loss of my old self. You know the one who was not really living in reality because she had it so together. (Insert sarcastic smile and rolling eyes). Then I realized something. It's ok to not always have it together. It seems to be on those days that I rely on Jesus so much more for the simple things like breathing in and out. And you know what? I think Jesus is ok with that. He does not expect us to have it all together before we come to Him. In fact, I think He honors a humble and broken heart sitting at His feet more than me trying to pretend I have it all together when my heart says "I am struggling". The thing is, He knows my heart. And for that I am so thankful. So, no more polly perfect. How about polly improving? Polly trying her best? How about pushing past perfection and settling in for truth and humbleness at the feet of Jesus. I think He can work with that. And I want to be used for His glory.



Jennifer said...

This sounds just like me. Thank you for sharing your battle of perfection and for the reminder that Jesus is the author of perfection, and we need to rely on him alone.

victoria said...

My roommate and I were just talking about this same subject. When things are working and running perfectly, we don't take them to God. But when we are suffering and life is in shambles, we fall at His feet.

I'm in a season of growing right now, and I feel myself being stretched more than I've been in quite some time. As difficult as it is to see something in the future but want it now, I know that waiting and leaning on God for the answers and for peace will bring me closer to Him. It's how suffering becomes a beautiful, sweet thing.

Jordan Anderson said...

Perfectionism is a greatest struggle of mine. Like you said the pressure I put on myself far outweighs the expectations of others. It's nice to know I'm not alone in the struggle to remind myself I don't have to be perfect!