Yesterday completely out of the blue, God placed me in a position to counsel a young wife and share the gospel with her. She, who I barely know, shared some struggles she is having. She has been married about a year and loves her husband, but she told me that she just doesn't know if there is hope for their future. She told me she is "religious" and believes in God and does not believe in divorce. After only a few short minutes of listening to her, I could tell that God is tugging at her. As she continued to pour out her heart, it was clear to me that she and her husband need one thing. Jesus. I found myself wondering when in the world did I get in a position of having wisdom in marriage, but after eleven years, we have learned a few things. (Thank goodness)! As I sat there and listened to her, I prayed that God would give me some sound, godly advice to pass on to her. He reminded me of some of the things I have learned in the past eleven years of being a wife.
- I need to love my husband in different ways. Not just with eros, or romantic love, and not just with agape, or unconditional love. But also with phileo love, or love like a friend. He is my friend, my lover, and the protector of my heart.
- Never go to bed angry. My sweet Maw Maw used to tell me this as I was growing up. I remember one night very early in our marriage when we did not even have things to "fight" about. We had a disagreement over something and my husband took his pillow and blanket and went to the couch. I proceeded to pitch a hissy fit and we had an argument over why he would think he needed to sleep on the couch (Could it be because I was pitching a fit?!). Then we realized we could not even remember what we were arguing about in the first place and decided it must have been trivial anyway. That night, we both promised never to go to bed angry.
- Flood him with grace. Ladies, we are not going to change our men into perfect little robots who pick up their underwear out of the bathroom floor and always wash the dishes when we expect them to. It would behoove us to realize this and allow a little grace about some things. This works both ways. We are not perfect and we are not always right (gasp). And we appreciate when we are shown grace. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. - Ephesians 4:32
- I am not my husband's mother. He is a grown man, and I am not responsible for raising him, therefore I do not have to nag him about everything. I may not always agree with him and his decisions all the time, but I choose to support him. And sometimes let him make the choices, even if I have "a better way or easier way". Not that I don't share my heart and ideas, but I think it is important to give our guys room to be who they were created to be - our protectors, and defenders. (Not that I can't defend myself, but sometimes it is really awesome to let my husband ride in and save my day).
- We are in this together. We are partners. One heart, one soul, and one body essentially. When I hurt, he hurts. When he is struggling, I am struggling right along with him. No matter what this world throws at us, we are better prepared to handle it together. Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift the other up. - Ecclesiastes 4:9,10
- Seek first - Jesus. For Him to be the center, and the head, and our counselor, and teacher. It is only because He first loved us that we can love each other. I say let us give credit where credit is due. If I seek my husband more than I am seeking Jesus, then I am missing the mark. I thought when I married that my husband would be what finally filled all my needs and longings and desires. I was wrong! Only Jesus can fill every desire and need we have. While my husband is an amazing human being and a godly man who loves me dearly, he has and will let me down. Just like I have and will let him down. When we feel unfulfilled, no matter what we are trying, we need to realize we are missing Jesus. We cannot escape that. We were woven and spun to long for Jesus. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. - Matthew 6:33
Would you please join me in praying for my new friend and all the wives out there that feel there is no hope for their marriage? Also please pray for me as I continue to share the love of Jesus with this young lady. Pray that she will surrender her heart to God!
Paige
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