5/9/08

Heavy Heart

I am sitting here today in the house alone. That doesn't happen much for me, and most times I don't know what to do with myself. Today I have been catching up on some housework. The boys and I are going out of town this weekend so I can sing at a ladies conference tomorrow. I am looking forward to it. I really enjoy getting to use the voice God gave me to praise Him!
Well, yesterday was my birthday. My mom was the first one to wish me Happy Birthday. Of course, my birthday is a day filled with memories for her. The day followed with well wishes from my sweet boys and brother and sister and friends. It was a good day. But my dad never called. I am 28 years old and you would think that after all these years, it wouldn't break my heart for my dad to forget my birthday. He's done it before. Still, it hurts.
Some days i wish so bad that my family (parents and siblings) weren't broken. What happened along the way? I am listening to the song "I Know You Won't" from Carrie Underwood's new CD. I can't help but think of my mom. All those years in a loveless marriage. My dad's not a bad guy. In fact, if you can really get down past the hard edges he's pretty good. Sometimes I just wonder what went wrong. I admire my mom for keeping her class about her all those years we were growing up. I can't imagine how tough it was for her. I think back and I can hear the sounds, see the sights, and even smell the smells of my growing up life. God gave us so much - each other - where did it all get off track? Did my parents ever really love each other? Do they still have some sort of love for each other deep down inside? I can't imagine not ever loving my husband no matter what were to happen. How does that just all fade away?
Being a child of divorce is not easy even if you are in high school or college when it happens and even if you are grown up and with your own children. My heart hurts so much for my family sometimes. My very wise husband once told me that only God can take a bad situation and make something good from it. I've prayed that so many times for my family. That God would take what became and make something good of it. Even through my tears, I can't help but glow with the knowledge that my Jesus can take the bad, all our hurts and fears and tough times and tragedies and make something good of it. In Christ we are new creations!

Sweet Jesus, please pour your comfort over those who are hurting right now. I pray for your grace to wash over those who feel like they've gone too far to turn back. I pray for your mercy to flood the hearts of those who don't remember where they took the wrong turn. Lord, there are so many struggling right now. Please wrap your loving arms around those who are hurting right now. For only in you can something bad be turned into good. Amen.

~Paige

Are you glowing today?

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